rating:
company: Six Entertainment
year: 2009
runtime: 90′
director: Tom Six
cast: Dieter Laser, Arthur C. Williams,
Ashlynn Yennie, Akihiro Kitamura,
Andreas Leupold, Peter Blankenstein
writer: Tom Six
cinematography: Goof de Koning
music: Patrick Savage
and Holeg Spies
out in limited release and
on demand from IFC Films

It’s safe to say that expectations for The Human Centipede (First Sequence), Dutch director Tom Six’s foray into gross-out surgical horror, have been set unreasonably high in advance of its US theatrical and On Demand release through IFC Films.  Its twisted premise has been described as disturbing, disgusting, controversial and just plain creepy, and understandably so.  I mean, who wouldn’t be grossed out by the sight of a trio of helpless people connected, end to end, to create one long ass-to-mouth digestive tract?  Well, me I guess.

That The Human Centipede has won numerous genre festival awards and received no end of accolades in the horror press is of little consequence, as once one pierces through the layers of obfuscating hype to see the film itself the sad truth of it becomes obvious.  This movie sucks ass.

As is usually the case with disappointing genre affairs, there’s promise in The Human Centipede‘s premise.  The basics of the plot, concerning an obsessed madman who steals people away to fulfill his perverse creative desire, reminds of some of the best of the classic ero-guro films, like Koji Wakamatsu’s The Embryo Hunts in Secret, Yasuzo Masumura’s Blind Beast and Teruo Ishii’s Horrors of Malformed Men.  It’s unfortunate that so little is done with the idea, derivative as it may be.

The majority of the picture unfolds from the perspective of its antagonist, a generic German baddy named Heiter (Dieter Laser, in a role that’s closer to Bela Lugosi’s in Bride of the Monster than Josef Mengele) who professes to be the world’s foremost surgeon with regard to the separation of conjoined twins.  Heiter is a twisted sadist at heart, of course, and consumed by a personal obsession antithetical to his professional life – a compulsion to conjoin multiple individuals into a human centipede.  Heiter’s type of mad scientist has been a staple of genre cinema for decades on end, and while Laser does well enough in the role The Human Centipede does nothing to freshen up the tired brand.

The death of Heiter’s first successful experiment, a conjoining of three Rottweilers, allows for the introduction of the film’s disposable protagonists – a pair of whiny, privileged, college-age American girls (Ashley C. Williams and Ashlynn Yennie in indistinguishably annoying roles) on a road trip across the European countryside.  The pair drive off into the cold German night to fulfill a steady succession of tired horror tropes: car trouble, a serviceless cell phone, an aimless bumble through dark creepy woods and, eventually, the happening upon of the villain’s house.  Once there they are promptly drugged (if an obviously unhinged man offers you a drink and demands that you finish it, don’t) and dragged down into Heiter’s expansive cellar, where they meet the first link in the centipede chain, a perpetually screaming Japanese guy with a tattoo of the Playboy bunny on his shoulder (Akihiro Kitamura).

With all the players in their places, Heiter’s experiment can take place.  A marker line here and a scalpel slice there and our three protagonists are suddenly a (very whiny) human centipede.  Horrible!  Disturbing!  Disgusting!  Meh.  Those hopeful for any notable gore will be soundly disappointed.  The surgery here is brief and no more graphic than an average episode of House, and once the centipede is complete that’s it.  The finished creation is decidedly less offensive than its sensational concept might imply and too unconvincing to leave a lasting impression.  There’s no sense of realism to what is put onscreen, and the undeniably disturbing concept of forced coprophagia has been put across much more effectively in much better films.

Producer / writer / director Six seems at a loss for what to do with his human centipede once he has it, and his disparagingly stupid scripting only becomes more so as the film progresses.  The final act is punctuated with a lame detective subplot and a bit of woefully under-realized human centipede revenge, the latter of which promises at least some manner of salvation for the picture before it nosedives into a uselessly nihilistic Saw-esque finale.  In the end I was left wondering what all the fuss was about and why this tired little thriller has been deemed so praiseworthy by so many (and further, why a sequel is already in the works).  Far from traumatized or disgusted, the only emotional reaction I had to The Human Centipede was embarrassment for the actors involved, who are forced to waddle around endlessly in their underpants with their faces planted in someone else’s ass.

It’s obvious that Six intended The Human Centipede to be at least as much a black comedy (what with all the nods to traditional genre tropes) as a horror film.  It’s doubly unfortunate, then, that it fails so badly on both levels.  It’s just too stupid to be funny and too bland to be frightening.  I found myself more irritated with The Human Centipede than anything else, lamenting, as ever, the lost opportunities and unmet expectations.  Skip it.

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) is currently in limited theatrical release through IFC Films.  Those of you in the Minneapolis / St. Paul area can see it at The Uptown Theatre this Friday and Saturday (May 7th, 8th), when it plays a pair of adults-only midnight shows.