a.k.a. FOR Y’UR HEIGHT ONLY
Liliw Productions [1981] 87′
country: Philippines
director: Eddie Nicart
cast: Weng Weng, Yehlen Catral,
cast: Carmi Martin, Anna Marie Gutierrez
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“The forces of good are our sworn enemy. They must be exterminated – and I mean lethally!”
Eminent scientist Dr. Von Kohler is visiting Manila when he is kidnapped by the good-hating forces of the enigmatic Mr. Giant, who prefers to contact people through mirrors backed with decorative lights that flash when he speaks. Mr. Giant’s plans are diabolical – he intends to take the formula for the new [and rather hilariously named] N-bomb from Dr. Von Kohler and use the weapon to conquer the world!
The only person who can possibly stand up to him is the pint-sized Agent 00 [Weng, who is often called by name here], master of martial arts, gun play, and romancing. As soon as he’s finished helping hottie Lola get rid of her organized crime problem by killing local drug lord Columbus, Agent 00 is put on the job of finding Dr. Von Kohler. After using his new pair X-ray sunglasses to take a peak at a pair of secretaries au natural, getting into a gun fight on a Ferris wheel, and nearly being poisoned, 00 finally gets a tip from the female agent operating within Mr. Giant’s crime syndicate and is led right into one of his drug operations [a bakery that definitely puts the white in white bread]. 00 puts a stop to it, and the first of many thorns in Mr. Giant’s side.
What follows is an endless parade of tersely connected scenes showing 00 using his low-rent high-tech gadgetry [a gun pen, communicator necklace, and remote controlled flying blade-rimmed hat], engaging in ludicrously one-sided hand to hand combat, and dancing at the local disco. One particularly awesome scene has 00 using his X-ray glasses to find assassins who are hiding in his hotel room – all of whom are rendered naked in the process. And there’s always time for romancing the ladies, of whom Weng meets many.
00 rolls through an assortment of cartoon baddies with equally cartoon names – like Tattoo, Cobra, and Kaiser – and eventually flies to Hidden Island [I'm not joking] with his personal jet pack to confront Mr. Giant, who turns out to be a midget martial arts master as well. The intelligence service lands on the island by helicopter and, after 00 has defeated Mr. Giant in an epic kitchen brawl, helps to take care of the rest of the evil-doer’s henchmen. Dr. Von Kohler is saved and the N-bomb left in responsible hands, and Agent 00′s gun-toting love-bunny companion is [predictably] the only good guy to bite the dust. The final shot is of Weng paying his respects at her grave site.
Who would have thought that the best way to breath new life into the tired James Bond franchise would be to rip it off hook, line, and sinker, and have a man of immense minuteness play the super-spy lead? Weng Weng is kind of an ugly little spud, with inhumanly gigantic nipples and an awful haircut to boot, but watching him kick all manner of ass in that tiny white suit of his proved to be as entertaining as anything I can recall.
And FOR Y’UR HEIGHT ONLY [the on screen title] has no shortage of ass-kicking featuring Weng Weng and a host of hot female accomplices – a very good thing indeed. Every battle is deliciously one-sided, and the final confrontation on Hidden Island is a veritable bloodbath, with only one henchman managing to get a shot in [if anyone has a tally of how many baddies were killed in this flick then I'd love to see it. I'm willing to bet it's in the hundreds]. Weng Weng offers up the most amusing moments, with his multitude of testicle-oriented attacks and proficiency in using all forms of weaponry. He even picks up a wakizashi when an unlikely opportunity to fend of a school of samurai arises! The women aren’t bad either, and all of them that pop up [from police photographers to prostitutes] are inexplicably skilled in hand-to-hand combat.
Violent as it is, the film is handled in relatively good taste for a low budget exploitationer. Weng Weng’s bedroom antics are left comfortably behind locked doors, and the frequent scenes of death are almost entirely free of blood. It’s all in keeping with FOR Y’UR HEIGHT ONLY’s obviously comedic bent, and making it any more explicit would likely have ruined much of its goofy charm.
Plot is in desperately short supply here, with the focus being more on putting Weng Weng in endless James Bond set-ups than telling any sort of story. For this film it works, even if it rarely makes sense. Performances are pretty lame all around but don’t detract at all from the fun, and the English dubbers sound like they had a field day looping the dialogue. The only real complaint I have is with the aggravating musical direction – the disco take on the James Bond theme is fun enough in the beginning, but grows more than a little tiresome by the twelfth loop.
FOR Y’UR HEIGHT ONLY was released on DVD in the US in 2005 as a double feature [with CHALLENGE OF THE TIGER] from Mondo Macabro. I’ve not seen the disc [my copy is a film-only DVD-R that was given to me by a friend], but based on reviews online I expect it looks at least as good, and probably better, than the images I’ve posted below from my copy. The disc includes a still gallery and two essays as supplements and is definitely the way to go if you’re a fan of the film.
I honestly didn’t expect a whole lot from this Filipino James Bond spoof when it was first handed to me, but it managed to exceed that expectation on all fronts. Who cares if the musical direction is terrible when the rest of the film is as fun as it is? I’m on the lookout for the more obscure sequels already. FOR Y’UR HEIGHT ONLY gets my highest recommendation.
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